Several months ago, I wrote the first KataNerd post to grace the pages of the internet in a LONG time. It was on the tail end of a hectic weekend of karate that DID result in a video of me hotfooting my way through a Disney resort going from shady spot to shady spot because I had lost my sandals the night before.

Don’t worry, they were found.

THEN, I made the promise I would write more and told everyone to stay tuned.

That was in July – whoops.

However, I have some incredibly good reasons for this, and also some really, really stupid reasons. We’ll touch on the former, and you’ll just have to trust me on the latter. If I told you about them, it would just result in everyone just staring at their screens and sighing.

So, we’ll skip it!

However, there were so many things going on that were wonderful, and new, and ever so exciting – one in particular.

BABY.

Cue the squealing, flying hugs, and/or weirdly aggressive whooping.

I have discovered that if I tell people this at certain moments, it results in some truly funny theatrics. But I digress.

Kate and I are having a baby boy! It’s all very exciting and wonderful. And something we’ve been working towards for quite some time.

But, in the ultimately clichéd and completely predictable pattern, it DOES raise some questions in the depths of my soul as to the ability, constitution, and straight-up question of:

“Am I ready to be a Dad?”

Case in point – three months ago, I was in DISNEY. Running from shadow to shadow on the VERY hot concrete because I LOST MY SHOES.

Later that day, I was late to the airport, missed a flight, did some quick rescheduling, landed exactly where my car was not, took an Uber home, and, in the middle of the street at 1:30 am, found myself selling a karate program to my driver (who never did wear his seatbelt).

Straight up Dad material right there.

Also, that was MONTHS ago. I was also a pirate who did not impress for a weekend, and a middling karate guy for a variety of events where I was always surprised to be there.

And I guess that’s the idea that still holds.

I’m surprised to be here.

Not in a “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN” way. No, I’m pretty clear on that. But in the same way that I’m surprised to be turning 37 this year. I mean, it’s quite a bit better than the alternative. But how on earth am I 37? I still love LEGOs, ponder deeply on the power schemes of various superheroes, and am consistently surprised by the complexity of the US Tax system.

It’s always an experience to look back on your life and have no idea how you got to this point. All I remember is a lot of panic, a few incredibly good laughs, hugs I still feel to this day, and tension that winds me so tight I swear I can hear my thoughts humming in the dark.

And I love it all. This whole vibrant, shimmering, exhausting, and hilarious ride I’m on. Even the parts that make me cringe, rage against the world, or go for walks in silence.

A few years ago, the ride changed. It became a two-seater. More vibrant, more exhausting, way funnier, and oh-so-much better. Now it’s changing again. And just like last time, it’s a little scary. There’s that heart-in-the-throat feeling you get when you’re at the top of the rollercoaster. But also there’s SO MUCH excitement and hope.

Am I ready to be a Dad?

I don’t know. I would like to think so, I would like to believe it with every fiber of my rather ragged being.

But we’re at the top of that roller coaster.

Grab on, because here. We. GO!